Everything for Everybody

Emily Apuzzo Hopkins | March 16, 2020

Over the last few years, my priorities have adjusted. Different life events occur to remind me of what is actually important in life. Crises, heartbreak, health scares all have a way of forcing you to stop what you are doing, evaluate, and reroute.

There are several milestones during the course of my adulthood, in particular, that I can identify as turning points for me. Studying abroad at 21 helped me loosen up. Checking myself into a psych ward at 24 helped me put my anxiety in check. Losing a pregnancy at 31 reminded me that I’m not alone in the struggle. And watching my baby being hooked up to oxygen just a couple of years ago in the ER made me realize what was really important to me.

While at the time these events were course-changing as they unfolded, I don’t think I ever would have guessed how much these things stacking over time would affect me and my mindset.

Over the past few years, I started to see a switch in myself... confidence in my abilities and acknowledgment of what I have yet to learn, identifying what I want and vocalizing that to the people around me, going after my goals for me and recognizing that if I start there then and only then will the people around me actually flourish.

I equate it to putting your own oxygen mask on first. There is a reason why we have to be reminded of that. I believe that most people, when put in that situation, would instinctively find themselves scrambling to help those around them. And when you do that, when you put yourself in a weakened state as a sacrifice to those around you, everyone suffers.

If you try to be everything for everybody, you have nothing left for yourself.

Another analogy I have found myself using as of late is one from the budgeting world... pay yourself first. Now usually that has to do with putting money into savings - paying the future version of you before frivolous spending takes everything.

I have decided to look at my time in much the same way. Recognizing those slivers of the day that I can take off the top is what makes me capable of doing what I have to do for the rest of the day.

For me, waking up at 4:30 every morning helps me accomplish that. During the week, it’s so that I can spend 45 minutes to an hour slowly putting makeup on and enjoying my coffee. On the weekend, it’s writing for an hour and a half before the house rustles awake.

Having those luxurious moments prioritized in my day has made me realize that they aren’t actually luxuries at all... they are my oxygen mask.

Because what happens next is usually for everyone else.

After my makeup is done and hair coifed, I’m downstairs changing over a load of laundry, emptying the dishwasher, making my daughter’s lunch, getting my things together for work... on the weekends I’m cleaning the house, making my grocery lists, running errands. While I benefit from those things, the doing of them is - let’s face it - NOT an inherently pleasurable endeavor!

But where I once languished in the day-to-day grind of those things, I now greet them in only the way a person who has taken a deep breath can. I have taken care of myself first and foremost... and everyone else around me will get to reap those rewards.