Women at Work
Emily Apuzzo Hopkins - August 1, 2020
Since I was young, I had a worker mindset. Do the work, get the praise, feel the pride. You may be able to tell that much of my work ethic was fueled by the extrinsic motivators of other people’s perceptions of what I did or my intrinsic obsession of getting everything just right - hello perfectionism!
Over the years, thankfully, I have seen that perfectionism wane and I have relied more heavily on the first and last points on that to-do list - no longer tying the pride I feel for my work to other people’s praise. With age comes wisdom and with that wisdom comes a better understanding of what is actually important in life. I have learned some of that the hard way - shaming myself to complete depletion, steamrolling relationships - all for the sake of a gold star.
I may have been working on this over the years, but the last few months have brought EVERYTHING into sharp focus. My promise to myself is that I will take care of my mind, body, and spirit. My promise to my family is that they come first against any external demands. My promise to my work is to never lose sight of my “why” in every endeavor. Everything else is immediately deprioritized… no longer on my to-do list.
What I have noticed as a woman in the workplace is that it is incredibly difficult for us to identify those priorities as we tend to people-please. And when we finally do, we might apologize for recognizing these pieces of what is truly important to us. We apologize for everything. But that ends here. I will never apologize for myself and what I bring to the table - if I’ve even been offered a seat. I will not apologize for having a mindset of putting my actual priorities in life at the top of my checklist. I will not apologize for my thoughts and feelings when I know deep down that I am sharing truth in a thoughtful and compassionate way. I’m done apologizing.
While these practices and perceptions have been cultivated over time, they have grown significantly in just a few months. Pandemics have a way of shifting priorities - who knew?! I have been reading (and listening to audiobooks) a lot. A whole, whole lot. And some of my choices have forced an exponential pattern of growth in my self-worth in the workplace. From the no f*cks given approach of Sarah Knight to the painstaking shame research of Brené Brown (and a lot of stuff in between), I have been arming myself.
As I wrote that last line in the paragraph above, I hesitated at my word choice - “arming myself.” “Arming” gives the impression of defensiveness and protection, but that is not the feeling - it is not an “arming” of my heart. My heart is whole and welcoming. It is more an arming of my mind. It is more like an exercise routine to build my mind’s strength and fortitude to stand up for myself at work or anywhere else.
I am proud to say that I have done just that over the last couple of weeks in particular. With courage close at hand, I have put myself out there in vulnerable ways. It is hard to muster up the courage sometimes, but not once have I apologized for it. Because damn, it feels so good. It felt so good to not wait for an invitation to the table. It felt so good to pull that chair out for myself and just sit. And I’m nowhere near sorry. I am here, gentlemen, because I am a woman at work.
