Gratitude

It was instilled in me early on in life that a thank you note is not just an action you do, but also a feeling you feel. Whenever a birthday check or a Christmas gift made its way to me, gratitude was instilled within. I would not deposit a check until a note was written and sent. I would carefully consider what that money would be used for and share that news with the gifter. 

Recently the ‘feeling’ piece of this equation really came into play when a check from my grandmother was so incredibly generous that it would pay off a significant amount of debt for my family. I was brought to tears, so much so, that my hands were literally shaking… making moving on to any other task nearly impossible. Even now, thinking back on this moment creates a physical reaction in me… generosity can do that.

Not long after this experience, however, life managed to remind me that high highs are often accompanied by low lows, or at the very least, average reminders that the universe craves balance… cue broken down car. 

While not a devastating challenge to overcome, it was still a challenge that required attention. Money for the month was budgeted and guess what - it wasn’t budgeted for that. Now cue something even more unexpected - generosity. Again. 

My colleague and friend knew of this and decided her monthly tithe would go to me. When she told me this, I literally broke down. 

“You can’t do that!”

“But, I can and I want to.”

Wow.

Lips trembling, eyes leaking, heart pounding… I see you, gratitude.

On a tangential note, part of the reason why affording this car expense was slightly concerning to me, was that I had recently taken on a very selfish endeavor: I hired a life coach (more on that in a future post). It was simple… I was going to tell my new coach that I couldn’t do it any longer - financial responsibilities are what they are and financial priorities must be respected and well… paid. 

In Elizabeth’s memo for her tithe, she had written: “To dreams”... TO DREAMS.  I mean, oh my GOD. As I was telling my coach about this, I made HER cry. I made my life coach cry in MY SESSION. I then continued to go on and on about the mental feeling I had from this experience. And then she hit the pause button… she asked me to step outside of my brain for a moment and step into my heart. As soon as I did this, I started crying because guess what… there was gratitude. I told my coach that the singular feeling that I had in my heart was one of intense and indescribable gratitude. 

And for that feeling, I had no more words.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks later… tonight. As I laid on my hotel room bed and reflected on a successful day in my career, I cried. 

Gratitude. 

Gratitude for getting to do a job that fills my heart daily. Gratitude for great company over a good meal. Gratitude for an amazing husband and precious daughter who support me and love me. I mean, holy shit… 

Gratitude... 

… thank you.