Much Obliged

Emily Apuzzo Hopkins | April 26, 2020

Have you ever read a book that just hit you?

Whether it hit your head or your heart or some other humorous part in between - it hit you. 

Such was my recent experience with Gretchen Rubin’s 2017 book “The Four Tendencies”. I first became aware of Gretchen Rubin several years ago when - on a random shopping outing - I picked up her book “The Happiness Project”. Without seeming hyperbolic, I love these types of books beyond measure - whether written by Rubin or some other author who might be put in the self-help or philosophical lanes of authorship. I just… LOVE THEM.

Now lately, I have found myself consuming more audiobooks than my usual morning commute of podcasts. As the shift to working at home became my current norm, audiobooks began to replace my other audio amigo. I had planned on re-reading my paperback version of “The Happiness Project” when I decided to take a look at the audiobook options on the Libby app. (If you aren’t familiar with the Libby app, get familiar with it!) And that is when I found “The Four Tendencies”. 

I dove right in.

I listened to the first few minutes and when I realized there was an online quiz I could take, I paused in the middle of putting dishes away to take it. I LOVE an online quiz almost as much as I love books in this genre. I thought for sure I would test as an Upholder, but low and behold, I am an Obliger.

And boy, am I EVER.

As I listened more, I could not believe how much of an Obliger I really was. I was the teacher’s pet, I am the reliable friend, but I am also the first to let something I want to do for myself slide. I mean, without realizing it until now, I identified back in November 2019 that I was capable of a lot of things but needed an accountability partner to push me over the edge and I hired a life coach in January 2020. 

I am a textbook example of an Obliger! 

Because of the profundity with which I felt like I was able to get to know myself through this book, I told my husband about it. Now, at that point, I thought, “My husband is a Questioner… I have to mention this to him and make him curious enough to see for himself.”  I was only partially right. While he has some Questioner tendencies, my husband tested Rebel and as we read the results…

… Boy, is he ever!

As I listened further in the book to learn how to deal with this Rebel I managed to wrangle, I got it. I understood myself better… I understood my husband better… and I understood why we work so well together. He may be a Questioning Rebel, but I seem to be a Rebellious Obliger - clearly, a match made in heaven, indeed!

So where do I go from here?

I’m not completely sure, frankly.

I think deep down I already knew some of this about myself. I knew about it when the external burden became too much in my early 20’s and I put a pause button on life for a second to figure myself out (hello, Obliger Rebellion!). I knew about my tendency when in 2011 I signed up for my first marathon, but only because I had a friend doing it with me and we also signed up for the training program with a local running store (hello, Accountability!). And I clearly was getting closer to this Obliger label when I asked my life coach friend to coach me. 

And so here I am!

Here I am setting fitness goals with DDP Yoga, financial goals with debt snowballing, and personal goals with my coach because I had already seen that I, Emily the Obliger, desperately needed them.

If you’re curious or the least bit intrigued, please take the quiz.

If you’re an Upholder, take it because I asked you to and because you want to.

If you’re an Obliger, take it because you don’t want to let me down.

If you’re a Questioner, take it because you like to ask questions and to learn new things.

If you’re a Rebel, take it or don’t take it - I don’t care.

Much obliged.