Reading and Me

Last year something came over me. It was summer of 2018. I was still technically a teacher although I knew a potential job opportunity loomed around the corner. My colleagues at school had the idea to start a book club. Now my first reaction was one that can only be described as a cringe. I did not understand the appeal of book clubs other than who doesn’t like to drink wine and gossip with friends. But what really made me uncomfortable was the fears I have always had around reading.

Growing up I always tested above average in reading… never really had any major issues for anyone to be concerned about. Then in high school when we returned from summer break and were tested on our summer reading, I bombed a comprehension quiz. Mr. Brown, my English teacher for the new year, came to talk to me and said that he was surprised by how poorly I had done and even talked to other teachers about my past work to see what might have been the problem. I cried and said that I had read the books at the beginning of the summer and clearly had forgotten everything. I felt so embarrassed. As a type A, straight A-making student I was devastated. But that’s when I started to really get to know myself when it came to reading.

My mom was an absolute gem and suggested a few routes we could take with this newfound discovery. I could listen to audiobooks and follow along with the text or she could read aloud to me at night just like she had done when I was a child. We did all of those things and it helped me greatly.

So, fast-forward to Adult Emily. Adult Emily prior to Summer 2018 did not read a lot. Adult Emily would still remember some of those uncomfortable times that her younger version experienced. But then Adult Emily made a realization… to be a better reader there is only one thing one can do… and that is READ.

I joined the book club. I went to the first meeting and talked about the book with understanding and ease. (I had remembered it this time!) I was excited to be a part of this group and to add more books into my life. And although my career path changed and I no longer saw these wonderful women on a daily basis, I remained a member of their book club. If I was unable to make a meeting I would still read the book or borrow the audiobook from the library just like old times. I was hungry to begin a new adventure when one book ended. 

And that hunger has reached new heights. I say this because yesterday, as I sat in my office cracking open a book I want to read for my professional life, I was thinking about the email I had just received from the library letting me know that the other books I had requested were now available… one for my personal enjoyment and another for what I call my “personal-professional endeavors”. On my way home, I grabbed them from the library and immediately popped the audiobook in and then last night before I went to sleep, I cracked open the other. I started 3 books in one day and have to ask myself as I make that realization RIGHT NOW while I am typing… who AM I?

Now although I do not believe I have the full answer for that daunting and semi-rhetorical question, I do know one thing: I am a reader.