The Connection Crutch
Emily Apuzzo Hopkins | July 26, 2020
I recently finished a book called Bored and Brilliant by Manoush Zomorodi. It caught my attention for a few reasons:
I totally judged the book by its cover;
I'm a sucker for alliteration (title of this post, anyone?); and
I knew that it was written for people just like me.
I had noticed over the past few months in particular that I have become increasingly attached to my phone. Now more than ever we find ourselves connecting via technological means, but I started to really notice that although that was the “why” I had been telling myself, that was not what I had been using it for. I would browse Pinterest for long swaths of time or be pulled into the wormhole of Facebook. That's all fine and good if it were happening only once or twice a day, but I found myself being completely sucked in out of “boredom”, or as previously mentioned, the false pretenses of connection.
Here's what I realized… Being involved with my phone meant disconnecting from the real humans who coinhabit my home. Senseless scrolling really meant time sucked into tedium and did not mean completing major projects. And I was devoting no time to letting my mind truly wander and dream of what the future may have in store and creative ways to make it all happen.
When I think of the amount of time my weekly screen report tells me I spend on the phone (ahem, more than two hours a day), I realized that those two hours could hold within them potential power to create some really amazing things. I have been challenged with considering uncomfortable possibilities this year and with that I have also learned that when things start to get truly uncomfortable, I self-sabotage. These instances are not different.
Follow me now.
When we have big plans in our lives, what is the one thing that we tend to all agree on that we do not have enough of? Time. I know, I know - money is up there too, but I argue that money can be acquired - time is finite and can never be earned back. Time has to be managed. We have to objectively look at what we are accomplishing in a day toward our goals and be honest with ourselves about whether or not our time was used wisely. There are some days where my goal for the day is, in fact, to Netflix and chill. And that is okay. When things fall apart for me is when I have actually planned to do something else, actively chosen not to do it, then wallow in the shame of not meeting my own expectations. Self-f***ing-sabotage.
Checking my phone relentlessly is the catalyst of my self-sabotage. It takes my time. The precious time I can be using for countless other things in order to meet goals, dreams, and my own expectations. It is so damn sneaky, too, but it adds up. If on average I spend about 2 hours a day on my phone, that ends up being approximately 14 hours a week! 14 hours. That’s nearly two full workdays worth of time ripe for accomplishing big things, but instead, it disappears into thin air day after day, week after week. Do the math even further and you are looking at 730 hours a year that are nowhere to be seen. Mis-managed and gone.
Right after I finished Zomorodi’s book, I had two excellent weeks of significantly less phone usage. I had also noticed that I had put that time to writing more, researching more, and basically just getting shit done. I felt good. The kind of good that when you say, “I felt good,” that there is a little bit of stank face. It was that f***ing good.
What comes next? Well, like Rep. Maxine Waters, I am reclaiming my time. The connection crutch in my life in these recent months kept telling me falsely that I needed it to feel connected externally with the world, but what I have actually been needing more than anything is to connect with myself and those projects about which I feel passionate. I have to actually disconnect to connect.
So here I am... finishing a piece that I started writing weeks ago. Why wasn’t it written sooner? I bet you can guess why.
